3 Questions To Ask Yourself After 3 Months of Dating

This “ho,” so to speak, had also become a really good friend to me.  She had seen me go through a lot (and I mean A LOT) of issues, setbacks and heart ache. I grew to really trust her.  In thinking about it further, it became inconceivable to me that I could ever break that bond of friendship.  Eventually things with my “best friend” had soured and we had a falling out, one of those issues being my continued friendship with his ex girlfriend.  Now, my friend’s ex and I never dated or did anything romantic together, we were friends only.  Oh don’t go quoting me by saying “But, didn’t you say that men and women can’t be just friends??” Jerks. =) On the other hand, I’ve been that guy that’s had a friend date one of his exes.  The gal I had been dating at that time had broken things off with me and said “let’s just be friends.”  It was difficult, but I was coping.  Since her and I hung out in the same group, we were always seeing each other.  I could see that her and a mutual friend of ours were “clicking” and hanging out a lot.  It bugged me, but I didn’t say anything.  One day my friend approached me and we went out to shoot some hoops.  That’s what manly men do when they want to talk about matters of the heart, ladies, do pay attention.fling review 2018

We played and we talked.  He told me how he felt about my ex and how much fun they had together.  I took it in and sucked it up.  I told my friend that I was fine with him dating my ex.  I told him that I’d probably be a bit of an ass at times about it, but that I would get over it and to give me time.  I even gave him pointers on dealing with my ex and things to watch out for.  Don’t get me wrong, I still wanted to rip something limb from limb… but I knew that I’d be able to deal with it and that I was ultimately being very selfish. At the end of the day that’s what dating or maintain a relationship comes down to:  Maturity, respect and just being able to deal with one’s feelings.  As with most things in life, it’s a two way street.  The intent to date a friend’s ex should be made known to your friend, whose “seconds you intend to plate on your own tray.”  Also a healthy consider oneself and what the friendship really means and what your friend’s happiness means to you. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Opinion Tagged in: Dating, exes It’s like a lucid fantasy. The breathtaking moment that beautiful woman catches your eye. Your perfect 10, the type of woman you’ve pictured yourself marrying, emerges from the monotony of everyday life. She saunters closer, in slow motion like something from the movies. Yet, you do nothing. You’re too afraid. Within a few seconds, the fairytale stops. Instead, everything stays exactly the same. It happens to most men. It’s happened to me on multiple occasions. It hurts beyond words. I might be braver than most when it comes to making a move on women. I’ve hit on my fair share of strangers and embarrassed myself many times.

But it was never worse than bottling it and wondering ‘what if?’ I hate feeling like fear is limiting my life, so I’ve set out a mission to become fearless around beautiful ladies. Here’s what I’ve learned so far… Facing your fear There’s only one surefire way of overcoming fear. Face it. In my case, this meant chatting up women in all sorts of scary situations. It meant staying sober in nightclubs while spam-approaching cute ladies. It meant hitting on people in seemingly inappropriate public places. It meant plowing through conversations that women appeared to not want to be in. I’d force myself to flirt with ladies who I believed were out of my league, even if they were surrounded by moody macho-looking men.topadultreview.com I’d deal with dozens of women who didn’t like me to try to find the ones who did. I’d try to take these women home, even when it felt like the most unnatural thing to do. It was terrifying but eventually it becomes easier. You notice that nothing too terrible ever occurs. You learn that most hot only human. The worst thing they can hurt is your ego. Becoming better with women An unsurprising benefit of all this is you get better at flirting with women. It’s not just the nerves disappearing (although this will numb them to an extent).

It’s also your understanding of man-to-woman interactions. How to approach, how to keep her attention, how to win over her peers and pull her home. When to be friendly, when to be physical, when to ask for her phone number…Speak to enough women and this stuff becomes second nature.

How to Lose the Wrong Guy… Without Losing You!

Practice makes perfect. It’s no different to playing drums or throwing darts. So get started as soon as you can! Winning over your perfect woman Sadly, the fear of flirting with beautiful women never fully leaves us. Our biological need to be accepted by others will ensure that.

There are several steps you can take to numb your nerves,  which I explain in my free ‘Fearless’ PDF (The document also includes advice on starting conversations and keeping them going). Even so, there’s no secret shortcut with this. To truly be comfortable chatting up the hottest women, you have to put in the hours hitting on them. Whenever you see a woman you like the look of, walk on over. Even if there are excuses. Even if you’re not sure what to say. Introduce yourself and show her you think she’s sexy. It’s the only method to improve. However well it goes, I guarantee you’ll feel better for having spoken to her. There might be a few more failed fairy tales before you finally pull that perfect princess. But if you keep practicing, you won’t be able to help to become that Prince Charming.

Photo Credit: Thong Vo Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook27Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: approach anxiety, Dating, Relationships Fun Fact: He accused me of having spooge stains on my shorts. He wasn’t wrong… When did, “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you” transform into “I’ll take care of me, and you take care of you”? Somewhere along the way someone asked us, “What can you do for me?” At which we retorted “Screw that! I’m an American! What can I do for you? Nothing! I’ll make my own happiness! From now on, it’s all about ME! ME!

ME! ME!!” And after a lifetime of thinking of nobody except ourselves, we have the BALLS to ask the questions, “Why am I not happy?”, “Why do I feel unsatisfied?”, “WHY AM I ALONE!?” The answers to these questions are simple: it is because you are SELFISH! Now that I’ve smashed you over the head with the truth, let me offer a solution: You will never feel as good about yourself, than when you do something nice for someone else. Take a moment, close your eyes, and think, “What were the last five things I did for someone else?” Things that you did because they would make that person happy, and had absolutely nothing to do with helping your situation. It’s easy to do things for people that will benefit you in the future. The things you do for the people that you’ll never see again, are what give you the most happiness. “I don’t see the difference. Nice is nice. Right?” Sure, nice is nice, but imagine the following scenario: You are at your local coffee shop, and as you go to pay the cashier for your drink, you tell her that you would like to cover the cost of the person in line right behind you. You then slip her $10, grab your coffee, and get out of the shop before she even has a chance to tell that person what you did. You just made someone’s day.

The feelings that you’re feeling are weird, right? Not bad weird, but good strange. That feeling is called HAPPINESS. You have just discovered one of the easiest ways of being happy: kindness. It can be as small as leaving a note that reads, “You’re BEAUTIFUL”, or as large as donating a kidney. I suggest starting with the note, not the kidney, but that’s just my opinion. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook80Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Self Tagged in: happiness, happy, Robert Kitchen So I’ve found a new Gin to love.  I’m no connoisseur of any alcohol outside of beer.

  I know, I’m sophisticated, right?  What exactly does Gin have to do with three dates?  Well, it (or any other alcoholic beverage, I suppose) has the ability to make a mediocre date go by quickly.  It can also make a date that has the potential to be  disastrous pretty awesome… Oh! Then there’s the third date.  Well, that third date has nothing to do with Gin, I just thought It would make for an interesting name. So where should I begin? I guess I feel like talking about the two dates having to do with Gin.  I’d set up two dates for a random Tuesday evening, when I happened to be off work early.  The dates were staggered apart by a couple hours to allow for quality time spent on each date. One gal, “Penelope,” was from the UK.

  Dig the accent.  The other, Alice, was born and raised in the OC, younger than me and really quite different than the type of women I’d ordinarily go out with. A bit on the short side, blonde and had a thing for guys with tats and motorcycles aka not this guy.  Penelope, by contrast, was tall, dark hair and up to speed on her pop culture was most interesting.  I should mention, now, that all the women I went on a date with were met on the interwebs.  That said, I’d had a chance to talk on the phone with each of them.  Penelope and I talked for almost two hours the first conversation we had.  I had high hopes for meeting her.

Why You Fail at Online Dating

Alice, on the other hand, was a tough study.  The conversation labored, as she talked about her and her group of friends and how they own the bar scene in Huntington Beach.  The most important thing to her was that her guy would fit in with her friends and received their approval.  Needless to say, I wasn’t keenly interested.  At one point I thought she’d hung up on me when I told her I don’t own or ride a motorcycle.  She called back in a few minutes and promptly suggested we meet up for a drink.  I agreed, which surprised me… But I wanted to see if there was a connection in person. Sometimes You Just Don’t Know… I guess it should go without saying that you can never be sure about anything where it concerns dating.

  That’s something I am keenly aware of, which is probably why I decided to meet up with Alice in the beginning. My first date was with Penelope.  We arranged to meet at this quaint, but hip, bar in an arts district near to us both.  I sat at a table as I waited for my date.  I see a woman in the distance, with flowing fabric dancing in the wind with each step… I’m wasn’t sure what to make of it, but there was no mistaking it was Penelope.  I was reminded of a term by Ms. Taylorcast “Misleading angles.”  That is, Penelope had great photos on her profile… But they were all head shots.  I had made a rookie mistake and didn’t take care to ask for more pics.  Well, Penelope was… a lot more than I was expecting.  I know what I’m attracted to and she was a bit heftier than I prefer, her profile stated “average.”  Well, her and I talked and I drank my Gin, Hendricks if you must know.  Amazing stuff brewed with cucumber and rose pedals.  Very feint in its flavor.  But it’s really good.  I was having a love affair with my Gin and glazing over my conversation with Penelope.  Our date ended cordially enough with a hug and a peck on the cheek for each of us and that was that.

I was on my way to meet Alice at a bar in the downtown area near me.  I’m about ten minutes late and I knew I was going to be so I text her and she replies she lives close by and just text her again when I’m there.  So I do.  She says, “I’m getting ready and I’ll be there in a few.”  Well “In a few” turned out to be twenty minutes after I’d gotten to the bar.  I was miffed, but I had my Hendricks in hand and I was instantly in love.  No, this isn’t an advertisement, though, I wish it was and then I’d be getting sweet pay.  But alas, it’s not to be.  My drink and I melted the time away quickly.  Alice showed up, had a seat and instantly began talking.  I noticed that she was dressed nicely, like she’d taken time to put herself together, which I totally appreciate.  Just as an aside, my biggest pet peeve is when I go on a date and the woman I’m meeting is wearing a sweat shirt, tank top and flip flops, or something just kind “blah, let me throw this on because it’s clean.”  I always take time to take care of how I look going out the door.  Meeting someone new is important, but I do it more for my date than myself.

  To me, it’s just a courtesy thing, one that irritates me when I do not see such courtesy in my date.  I’m just sayin’.  End rant. So our conversation picked up quickly, lots of flirty banter.  We settled in at a table, away from the bar and continued talking.  I felt as though I was talking to a different individual.  I’d forgotten my love for the Hendricks along the way to a delightful and fitting evening with Alice, a testament to our chemistry.  Now, I should state, because I pointed out Penelope’s appearance, that Alice wasn’t exactly a thin gal either.  I don’t prefer blondes, which I guess makes me no gentleman, I normally day brunettes.

She was also short and my friends will tell you that I prefer taller women.  Though, I have these preferences, I keep myself open to opportunity and date the gamut, if you will. The Woman Who Decried “Smoking” Lastly, I had been on a date recently with a girl in LA.  Again, this was a date I was hopeful about.  “Cynthia” was an interesting ethnic mix, a mix that I found to be most appealing.  We met for a bite at a Brazilian eatery in LA and had great conversation about philosophies, music the afterlife and all that nutrients. After dinner we walked around some and talked some more, we found a coffee place and picked up a couple cups for the walk. Things were going pretty well.  So, in all, I was having a .  Cynthia had asked me if I smoked, I told her “no, I didn’t.”  She said she didn’t either, to which I replied, “well, even if you did, I wouldn’t have a problem with that.”  It’s not something that bothers me, honestly.  Our date ended shortly after that.  We had both driven separately  and were driving back to the freeway to go home.  I’m behind her, when I see her click out of her window a lit cigarette… I’m thinking she didn’t realize I was there… It struck me as odd, I mean, why lie about such a thing?  Especially after I’d stated that I didn’t mind if she did smoke, I’d say I went out of my way to explain that because I know that a woman can be self conscious on a date regarding that habit and I understand that feeling. Ultimately, to me, it seemed like such a petty thing for her to lie about.  I didn’t follow up after our date and didn’t return a text either.

Was I nit picking?  I don’t think so.  In my mind if someone is going to lie about something so minute, then what about those bigger things that come along?  What then?  I chose not to leave such items to chance. Three fairly different dates with different outcomes; I guess it should go without saying you just don’t know how things are going to turn out. For some, I’d think it might discourage one from going on a date at all.  However, I find that these discoveries are most telling in how we roll with it.  That is, how do we choose to move forward with the things that we learn?  I tend not to be terribly discouraged when  a date, in particular, doesn’t go how I’d like.  My date with Penelope could have the potential to make me not want to go on more dates… But I choose otherwise.  I’m not discouraged by my date with Cynthia either.  I isolate that date and what happened to just that date.

  I take the ‘one-game-at-a-time’ approach of Mike Scioscia, the Anaheim Angels Skipper.  I think that helps keep focus and also promote a positive feeling about dating (because, let’s face it… it can downright suck at times), in addition to being patient and open. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details, Online Dating Tagged in: Dating, internet The bar is an easy choice for a casual first date, but too many happy hour beers will give any veteran dater a weary sense of déjà vu. And as meeting places, they’re often just as disappointing: either no alcohol = no chemistry, or that guy or gal didn’t look so hot under less forgiving lights. Luckily, urbanites have a slew of non-bar options that make great date territory. Remove the margarita goggles and take (or meet!) your next first date at one of these activity-focused, booze-free venues. 1. A gallery or museum Finally, something to look at besides each other! Museums are great places to just wander, and there’s always a conversation piece on hand for when you’re both out of job talk. I’ve had great first dates in MOMA with art buffs and naïves alike. For the less artfully inclined, a science or natural history museum is a playful, interactive date space that takes the pressure off making an impression. 2. A street or food cart fair A cheaper, hipper alternative to your usual sit-down restaurant, a street or food cart fair is the perfect place to enjoy noms, and the outdoors, in a casual environment. Sample different vendors for appetizers, entrees, drinks, and desserts to get the most out of your experience.

This also relieves you of the anxiety of picking a restaurant the other person might not like. Nothing’s worse than taking a vegetarian to a barbecue joint or a Celiac to a ramen shop! 3. A walk in a fun neighborhood You could always go for a walk in the park or a nice outdoorsy setting, but it’s also fun to explore unfamiliar urban territory with someone new. Find a neighborhood coffee joint and take your cup of brew with you poke around bookstores, antique shops, ethnic grocery stores, bakeries… whatever there is to discover. Pet dogs on the sidewalk. Admire the architecture. Smell some roses. Hint: don’t be afraid to put on your Dora the Explorer cap (metaphorically, of course) and take the initiative— “Hey, this vintage store looks cool! Let’s go in!” 4. An open mic night Poetry, music, comedy—open mics offer something for everyone, and in a laid-back setting that’s all about being open and receptive. Check out your city’s open mics (many are listed on Meetup) to find a popular event with a regular audience. With the right ratio of entertainment to talking time, you’ll get a chance to chat between acts while getting to know the other person’s tastes in an organic way. 5. Learn something new Taking a class or lesson is a great way to break the ice with a new romantic possibility. From pottery to painting to DJ’ing to risotto making to GIF design, there are tons of classes—some that are even free—catering to couples or groups of friends. And if you and your date didn’t click, at least you got something out of it!

To find out what’s going on in your area, subscribe to a weekly newsletter (like NYC’s The Skint) or a daily deals site like pulsd. Your date will put you a cut above the rest when you come out with a creative suggestion for your first encounter! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Date Ideas Tagged in: Date Ideas, first dates You’ve been out on a first date with a new woman and you’re interested in pursuing her.